Tuesday, 7 February 2017

My Honest Stories about My Amazing Lucky Life

hello people,

l think it was so long time ago after my last post about papaya jam hehehe.. And l hope🙏  you guys are miss me. at least, you read this posting. Well , today l will posting about something deep (just maybe).

Most people today knowing l have happy Life and they said l was A-Lucky-Person , maybe? With good job, nice thing's, can do anything , have time and money for holiday, have great time with friend's , family and other's, did what l did, get my dream's, all eyes was see me, and so long list that they said.

Who l think l was? And who they think I am? Do they know what l already through and passed a 30's year? Or just judge me by what l enjoy today! Come on...... I am not wicthed nor magical, people.  l am not the rich person with count1,2,3 and everything happened. l am just human. l through pain , sadness, dissapointed , left by, for over and over, for many couple's year's. But its made me today. My self that they saw l was. A person that they called l was lucky because l have that thing's, that things, enjoy that, go anywhere l like, blablabla.....

Do any one know's, l passed my chilhood with almost crying because my parent's is always fighting everyday and let me to be honest if my family doesnt perfect like other family outside there? Do any one know's, when most kid's were playing outside there or go to fancy place with they're mom and dad, l was busy selling something to get money? To make me can buy things that l need like any other girls outside? 

Or maybe l was busy writing some article and send it to all the kids-magazine's l read before in post office seller (l even can not buy the magazine at that time!). Everyday after l send my article to the magazine's , l always busy to come to the post office seller to borrow the magazine and check quick "Do-My-Article-Was-There?". But its not. Its very dissapointed me at that time. Very.  Cause it just the one that l think it will be make me happy or proud as a kids at that time.  And I know how its feel untill I was in this age. Because it's mean  alot for me, like l was waste my money, my time, anything. But l finally learn since when l kids, that sometimes in life we can not always get what we want. 

Yeep, l learn  alotsince  l was at that age. Since when evrything turns not well for  girls whom just only at 5 y/o..

I still remember wqahen everyone go sleep on their bed, its sure l was woke up over there. lf anyone maybe have their own house or room, l must move from one to another room-rent after a couple of time, or l and my mom was living in my older-aunty. Yeah, l dont have permanent house at that time  after all.  You know, l even dont know what address should l mention on my student book/form's in every opening year class. Do you? l was.

I never know how its feel when your dad or mom coming to see your perfomance in school, or just come to your class to see your final result class with other student's parents. Its very hard time for me. And once again l was. One more thing, when l am playing as guard in my basketball team, at least my dad or mom see l was played. But is not. Same time when l was in college, lam being the best player in my futsal team and my team was won, but they not there. Same thing like l won in fashion competition  when l was in teenage, I wish l can see mom and dad in my front row, but l was never met them over there. Do l sad? Yes. Do l hate them or my life? Never. I know all is process. l know all that situation will teach me much things to learn. Made me like who lam today. The brave one, and have gratitude mentality attitude for any little things l had.  I still thanks about How-I-Can-Still-Have-These-Feeling. Thankyou, Allah. 

Its just little stories about who lam in the past, or about how l through my journey of life then finally l found my self like today.  Just like they see me now like l was.  If they see me like always-happy-girl typical person, then l feel so blessed. Exactly l was happy to be who l am today. Even l also ever feel guilty when l made mistake last couple of years ago with doing something stupid, or like at that time l still can not manage my own emotional feeling, or l ever feeling so bad when someone leave mefor another person and l felt dumbed at that time, but today I say thanks.  l qam happy to passed all the things with me.. I feeling blessed to met all that awfull things and moments thats make shapes in my every of me.

Today l am being a person that able to see anything from another perspective (l still  learn but), learn to see that everything happened to me is okay to be happened. To feel good when everything happened not like you planned. To feel it doesnt matter you cry when you sad or its okay you have big laugh when you just happy, or scream when you scare. Its emotional experienced. Human allow to feel and express it. From what we feel about our deep feeling and what happened to our self, we can be the honest person in this life and create our new self. New self that aware with everything will happened to our self and life. To be the person whom ready to face and through the storm in life.

We became more brave, because we honest.  Honestly lead us to  the level that in fact we know we can make or do mistake, to know that over our hand, there is another Big Amazing Hands that will shake's everything.

So, be brave if you finally do make mistake , fix it, and make it better.


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